That One Time I Failed Miserably

It’s time to talk about failures.

This past weekend was a rough one. As of Friday, I had lost 91lbs weighing a wonderful 203lbs. The last time I was under 200lbs I must have been about 12 or 13 years old (maybe). It’s been over 10 years. I was so close to this goal that I pushed myself harder than I have ever pushed myself.

For 4 days I ate oatmeal for breakfast, a simple homemade juice for lunch, and a raw salad for dinner. I couldn’t have been consuming more than 600 calories.  Each evening I would get to the gym and run 3 miles and power-walk somewhere between 1-2miles burning around 450/500 calories. For those of you who can do the math of my calorie consumption and my calorie burning- you are correct. This is not healthy.

I spoke with Justin on the phone and told him my goal was to lose 2 pounds that night. “TWO pounds in one day?!” he responded. I gave him an intellectual and well advised response as to how this was okay and doable and pretty much talked him into a different conversation so I wouldn’t have to justify myself.

That night I burned over 500 calories on the treadmill and ate next to nothing all day. I woke up excited to weigh myself. When I got on the scale it said 203 lbs.

WHAT?!

Um, excuse me!! I practically starved myself and busted my butt on the treadmill! It’s not scientifically possible that I lost absolutely no weight. I was pissed off and annoyed. I decided to just eat whatever I wanted for breakfast. I had oatmeal, an apple, some date balls, cashews, fried plantain chips, almonds, and two veggie burgers and some left over dinner from the previous night… just for breakfast. For the rest of the weekend and for the next 3 following days I had chocolate, trail mix, bread, sandwiches, fruit tart pie, pop tarts, Cheezits, two pints of ice cream, candy bars, a small bag of Hershey’s kisses, macaroni and cheese, pasta, cupcakes, and chips.

I’m embarrassed even typing this, but I want to communicate just how hard it’s been to keep up this lifestyle some times. It DEFINITELY get’s easier when you know exactly what to cook and to buy when you walk into a store. But chocolate will always taste good. Working out will always be difficult. I can arguably say that working out is just as difficult as it was when I started but only now I can do more, better, and faster.

This weekend I made poor choices. During the week I worked hard and lost 5 pounds. In one weekend I gained 12 lbs. It’s so hard for me to admit that. I’ve been back on for a couple days and am already down a couple now but if I would have just been patient with myself I would not have needed to take so many steps back.

I will explain the spiritual side of my issue but there is also a scientific one. What I did the last couple weeks was put my body in a borderline starvation mode. I was pushing my body hard physically and not giving my body enough fuel. As my body tried to hold on to fat to keep my alive, I gave it very little option and forced it to burn it rapidly. My body would tell me to eat more using hunger pangs and giving me a light headed feeling after the treadmill, but the results were just too attractive for me to listen.

When I hit that wall, I got emotionally upset and decided to binge because I missed food so much. My body was finally going to get all the food it had been asking for. So I ate and ate but didn’t eat anything with nutrition so my body kept asking for more. I ate until my stomach hurt but still, my body craved the nutrients I normally fed it.

To protect me from future famine my body stored all the fat I was eating to save for later. I’ve heard this process described as borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. Tricking my body to do what I wanted was not nice at all. And the sad thing is, is that is not the first or even second time I’ve done this since starting my health journey. I’m abusing the Power over my actions that Christ as given me for my own agenda.

Which brings me to the spiritual side. I do think that this binge had something to do with hormones (cravings and emotional response and what not), but my actions really did not set me up for success. In addition, I did not take any time to have my daily communications with God like I laid out in my last blog. (prayer each morning and evening, worship and journal every day.) Being in a relationship (especially with God) takes dedication and diligence to stay relevant.

One thing I’ve noticed about dating Justin is the more we communicate to each other, the more similar our jokes and speech patterns sound. We get better and brining up topics that we know the other will be interested in, and we are far more comfortable being honest and open with each other. I would imagine if we were to take a week or so off from talking to each other it would change that dynamic. I would need to “catch him up” if you will.

So that is what I have been doing with God these past couple of days. Of course, He’s already all caught up with me, but I am so ready to hear his Word for me every day like usual.

As far as my diet, I decided to go back to three regular meals with a juice to work on while at work. Still doing about 4 miles on the treadmill, and my new plan is to work on distance rather than fast times. I’m hoping to include some strength training for runners so I can keep running farther.

Lastly, and I’ll leave you with this. I got some great advice from my friend Steve from church and my mentor Barbara. Steve is a runner himself and has been doing it for years and years. He advised me to take my running nice and slow and consistent. To not try and increase more than 10% at a time because otherwise it might lead to injury, but by keeping my running manageable I can still improve while also giving myself an exercise I can do for a lifetime.

Barbara told me to take my dieting one day at a time. To get up and give myself the goal of just doing well TODAY. To not focus so much on the overall weight loss and the future, but focus on doing well right now.

Both are great, solid advice and I’m happy that I have people who are always ready to speak wisdom in my life.

Thanks for reading and I’ll pray for you!

A little encouragement:

Help! I Don't Know Anything About a Healthy Diet! (Documentary Suggestions)

If you don't know I am an avid learner. I am addicted to taking in information and reading up on almost everything. (It sounds great but some times can be a double edged sword; I have spent hours looking into incredibly stupid stuff like all the different ways you can create your own deodorant). I find information in every way, shape, and form: books, articles, Pinterest, podcasts, Youtube tutorials, and documentaries. You can be assured that I am constantly going through any one of these mediums (often several times at once.)

Anywho, one of my current obsessions is health documentaries. I believe I have seen nearly everyone on Netflix (minus Food Inc. and GMO OMG. If you have seen any of these, please feel free to leave your opinion of them in the comments!) 

I believe a MAJOR part of losing weight and getting healthy is educating yourself on your body. It's so much more than cutting out junk food and riding your bike to work, although these are great! So people average people who know nothing about health believe that a healthy diet is all about cutting out bad stuff, but they forget that they must be adding good stuff.

(Speaking of which, I heard this idea that there is no such thing as bad food or good food. Just food that is more nutritious for you. When you have it in your head that food is bad for you, it can lead to shame and some times even eating disorders.)

But the question is always where to start? There is so much information out there with many conflicting ideas- this can make it hard when you are sincere about a healthy lifestyle and are willing to start from square one and take it slow.

A great step would to be to see a nutritionist, personal trainer, or physician. Which is great for people with the $$$. I also think it's super silly that we need to pay to find this information! For the rest of us, we must take advantage of our free resources. It's a little more difficult and time consuming, but the information is out there! You must be diligent in seeking it if you truly LOVE your body <3

So the first step I recommend is to watch documentaries. Now these are almost always slanted toward one way, but the more you watch, the more well rounded you can be. I wanted to take some time and fill you in on some of my favorites from Netflix. Here's my first list-type blog. Let me know what you think, and I'd love to hear your own feedback on the films and your own suggestions.

6. Vegucated!

Basically, this is a pro-veganism animal rights documentary. It follows 3 different people of age and background in New York, who were challenged by Marisa Miller Wolfson to agree to take part in a 100% vegan diet for 6 weeks. 

What I really appreciated about the film was that she not only challenged and studied these people, but spent 2/3rd of the film educating them. She took them to a physician, to a vegan conference with speakers, gave them cooking lessons, taught them to shop, showed them documentaries on animal cruelty, took them to farms, and offered moral support.

However, I wasn't really a fan of how she spoke very little about health and balance. The doctor spoke of how veganism limits heart disease and weight-loss (which I believe to be true), but when shopping it seemed to turn into: eat whatever you think is vegan. This included Oreos for goodness sakes. This film says absolutely nothing about processed foods. In fact, the man ate a vegan diet for 6 weeks and lost only 5 lbs. The girl only lost 2. This is great that they were moving towards a healthier path, but there is actually something known as a "junk food vegan." These are often times people with moral dilemmas with consuming animal products, but not a whole lot of interest in a healthy body.

Also, the film seemed super against animal consumption, morally. Despite that, however, I did appreciate being educated on the food industry a little bit. I was disturbed by the disgusting cruelty to animals. Nevertheless, I still don't find any wrong with eating animals products if that's your choice. I simply chose not to eat them for health reasons.

I give it a three stars and would watch it again. It was fun and enlightening, but I didn't take away much about health, mostly just veganism.

 

5. Chew on This: TED Talks

I watched the first episode of them and enjoyed it. It was mostly about food in public school. I found this very interesting as I would one day like to be a mother and I have already been planning on how I will rear them, health being a major staple.

He also speaks on adult health and the need for vegetable consumption. That's the bottom line people. If you want to drop lbs and be healthier, you must consume vegetables more than anything.

The rest of the episodes didn't seem to interest me much, but I'm sure with my information-addittion I'll watch them all.

The speaker was very passionate, charismatic, and well informed. I give it a four stars and would recommend you check it out, especially if you have or want children.

4. Fat Sick, and Nearly Dead

Wow! I love this film! This is about a man who was quite literally fat, sick, and nearly dead. He was an average business man and was really living it up. At one point he gets fed up with a harmful skin condition and seeks to cure himself with juicing. He travels around meeting and interviewing different people about health and and juicing.

What I love is that he shows us that juicing is not quite and difficult and extreme and it's made out to be. He was certainly no health guru and was able to do a 60 day juice-fast! Wow!

Although a little cheesy at some points, it's a great film and really makes you feel motivated to try juicing (it certainly motivated me), it reminds you that healthy is not just for the rich man. Anyone can do it :)

Four stars and a must see!

3. Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead 2

Once you watch the first, you gotta do the second. The first film is about getting juiced, changing your lifestyle, an dropping lbs. This film is about sustaining. Joe was able to drop a lot of weight but keeping it off was also difficult. This film is far more jam packed with helpful information and health and ways people stay healthy, and who aren't just looking for a momentary fix.

I appreciated this film far more than the first, but you can't watch this one until you watch the first one. With that being said, it's a four and a half stars and also a must see.

2. Forks Over Knives

This one was recommended to me by my boyfriends sister who is a mostly vegan. She shared it with me after I told her I was also vegan. The first time I had met her I was doing Paleo and she was thrilled to hear that I had cut red meat. (I was too!). I finally got around to watching it and I realllllly liked it. SO much helpful information not just on getting healthy but information on general health as far as disease and prevention.

We get some insight on the "most comprehensive study of nutrition ever conducted." This study takes place over at least a decade and over thousands of people. The information is very well presented and quite convincing.

I will say it is pro-veganism, but even if you're not vegan I still highly recommend it. I love how it addresses heart disease, diabetes, and how one can cure themselves of several other types of diseases by simply changing their diet and nixing the pills.

This is a five stars, easy!

1. Hungry For Change

By far, my favorite documentary out of them all. This was my very fist one I watched and it's a huge motivator for staring my journey almost a year ago. In fact, I watch it several times within the first few months when I needed motivation. 

The best idea it take out of this is the idea that as Americans we are overeating but finding a way to starve ourselves of nutrients. We focus too much on cutting and not enough on adding. They touch on ideas about juicing, veganism, and all the wonderful things that come with a lifestyle change including weight loss, looking younger, more energy, and curing diseases.

It's super easy to understand and they have many experts speaking and lots of helpful ideas.

If you only watch one health documentary in your life, make it this one. It changed my life!

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I hope this list helped. Educating myself on the human body and what it needs it what helped lead to my success. As of today, I have lost 90 lbs and I am still searching for more education. Never stop the journey to learn more, and never stop trying to eat better and exercise. It might not work out int the beginning, but the longer you do it, the more trial and error you have.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments!