Here Is Where I'm at Now

Soooo, I just have at a great talk with the lovely Jazzmin. It was great. After talking to her I came to a confession: I am an addict.

My lifestyle is getting super out of hand. To the point where I'm started to get worried about my health. I have absolutely no motivation to diet and exercise. I want to want to but I just can't muster it up.

I hate being uncomfortable and all that stuff is super uncomfortable.

I think I'm to the point where I seriously need to go to a rehab or something. A place where failing won't even be an option. I hear so many stories of success stories and tips and I take note and I try everything and yet, here I am. The same person before but heavier.

This lack of self motivation also trickles over into my social and personal life as well. I am not motivated to clean or rehearse or practice or take care of my responsibilities. I don't know how one gets this? I suppose it would be to leave myself no option but to not fail. To move out? Having to rely on only myself to get things done instead of my mother.

Another obstacle I face is my diet. For a while I was buying my own groceries and trying to eat better but my family was still eating whatever and they would bring me stuff like fast food and starches and it would kill me.

I am so stuck. I feel so useless. I feel like a failure. I want so bad to be thin and healthy. I would have more acting opportunities and I would feel better overall.

What do I do?

I'm not sure if I need motivational words or what...

I think would I need is a person who is willing to dedicate to this with me. Someone who I could see very often. (Several times a week) To eat and exercise with. Someone who won't let me take failure as an answer.

I pray consistently and I stay the same. My heart and motivation stay the same.

Lord, save me.