Here Is Where I'm at Now

Soooo, I just have at a great talk with the lovely Jazzmin. It was great. After talking to her I came to a confession: I am an addict.

My lifestyle is getting super out of hand. To the point where I'm started to get worried about my health. I have absolutely no motivation to diet and exercise. I want to want to but I just can't muster it up.

I hate being uncomfortable and all that stuff is super uncomfortable.

I think I'm to the point where I seriously need to go to a rehab or something. A place where failing won't even be an option. I hear so many stories of success stories and tips and I take note and I try everything and yet, here I am. The same person before but heavier.

This lack of self motivation also trickles over into my social and personal life as well. I am not motivated to clean or rehearse or practice or take care of my responsibilities. I don't know how one gets this? I suppose it would be to leave myself no option but to not fail. To move out? Having to rely on only myself to get things done instead of my mother.

Another obstacle I face is my diet. For a while I was buying my own groceries and trying to eat better but my family was still eating whatever and they would bring me stuff like fast food and starches and it would kill me.

I am so stuck. I feel so useless. I feel like a failure. I want so bad to be thin and healthy. I would have more acting opportunities and I would feel better overall.

What do I do?

I'm not sure if I need motivational words or what...

I think would I need is a person who is willing to dedicate to this with me. Someone who I could see very often. (Several times a week) To eat and exercise with. Someone who won't let me take failure as an answer.

I pray consistently and I stay the same. My heart and motivation stay the same.

Lord, save me.

I've lost a few pounds!

Just found out that I've lost about 3 pounds :D
It's not a lot, but it's good considering that I've had so many bad days and I haven only exercised twice in 3 weeks!

... Well that's really all! Haha, I'm just a bit excited now. It may be only 3 measly pounds but in a about a week it'll be 3 more measly pounds... then the next week it'll be 3 more. And the 3 more, and 3 more! And I'll have lost 12 pounds! I'm also thinking about taking an exercising class when school starts so who know's how fast I'll be dropping the pounds then.

Well, have a good day! Hope you guys are losing too!

Entering into Week Three

I'm starting to think that my blog isn't very motivating because I've been doing so horrible! But I don't want to quit. I used to go on so many diet and every time I would slip up I would just give up. But like the Toby Mac song that I posted in my blog a few days ago, I'm going to just keep getting back up again! I don't care if I fail a thousand times! It'll only make my victory that much sweeter.

So these past two days have probably been the worst yet. I have eaten so many sweets and greasy foods. I went to Buca di Beppo and had a HUGE bowl of pasta. I got the left-overs boxed up and I finished it at home. Then today, I went to Chipotle and had a giant burrito. (Healthier than most fast-food places but still wasn't good for me.)

BUT, in doing so I experienced my first "Man I wish I would have stayed on my diet" feeling. After I got home from Buca di Beppo I was so gassy and bloated. I felt full and disgusting. I got bad heart burn and I just over all felt awful. I have been doing decent for the past handful of days and so eating all this greasy food did not go over well for me. I hadn't realized how eating healthier and smaller portions had made me feel better. I probably haven't lost any weight, but I would like to weight myself. I'll have to go to a gym or something though because my scale is out of batteries.

But I got paid and went shopping today! I got: apples, pears, bananas, edemame beans, raw chicken, 100% whole wheat bread, whole wheat pasta, fat free yogurt, and raw salad. I hope that is enough for me not to cheat!

Also, I haven't been keeping up with my exercising either :( But tomorrow I'm going to do my walking! I have a food plan, but I think I need to educate myself more on weight managing exercise! Any one have any links to information on that?

*Tips: Have a PLAN for your diet. Especially for losing weight. I used to have it in my head that I would just "cut out" things and start losing weight. But the truth of the matter is there is a healthy balance that your body needs! Sugar get's such a bad rep, but your body needs stuff like that in the right proportions. So I insist that you go to https://www.choosemyplate.gov/SuperTracker/myplan.aspx and follow the default plan, or better yet sign up and make your own unique plan based on size and desired weight like I did!

*Inspiration: This girl got tired of being overweight and decided to take her health into her own hands. Just like you and me, she devised a plan and failed many times until she found the plan that worked for her. Now she's working on a book to motivate young adults to get healthy! You can check out her blog at http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/

I'm praying for you people out there trying to get healthy! I inspired my mom to start eating healthy too, so now I have someone to help keep me accountable and to cook yummy food for me :)

Bad Day!

Today was probably the worst day that I've had yet! I woke up at like 2 and I went straight to a meeting and then straight from the meeting to a memorial service at my church. At the meeting they had trays and trays FULL of cakes and cookies... it was only a matter of time before I lost it and had like FIVE of them. Then I had another on my way home :'(

On top of that I didn't get a chance to work out and I only ate a salad and two hard boiled eggs ;_;
We ran out of fruit so I didn't consume any fruit or any grains today. I had a slice of turkey in salad so I had a little protein.


I keep getting these thoughts that I should just quit and that I'm always going to be fat and when school starts I'm not going to be able to control myself. I keep lookinf for excuses like on New Years I was like 'Come on! It's NEW YEARS. No one would blame me if I just skipped today." And today at the memorial I was like 'It's a friggin memorial. I think I should be fine."

I just really don't want to give up this time. I want THIS to be the time where I actually was fully committed and it changed my life. And I could lose 100 pounds and I would get cast in to play and I could meet a boy and I could feel fit.

My mom thinks that the only way that I'm gonna lose weight is on the Atkins. So let me ask you guys: have you reaped benefits from exercising often and having a balanced diet? And not some special diet...

My Plate!

Okay. So finally things are CLEAR. I went to choosemyplate.gov and it made me a meal plan and I also mapped out my daily exercise.

Mean Plan: 2200 calories a day.
(Although I think I may do 2000)
Grain: 7 ounces
Veggies: 3 cups
Fruits: 2 cups
Dairy: 3 cups
Protein: 6 ounces
Oils: 6 teaspoons

And you can also plan your exercises for the week as well! So here's my exercise plan. (Dance is this dance aerobics DVD we've had for years but barely opened today)

Sunday-Church!
Monday: Walk-25mins
Tuesday: Skate-20mins
Wednesday: Dance-30mins
Thursday: Skate-20mins
Friday: Dance-30mins
Saturday: Walk-25mins

I got the more difficult, higher impact activities sandwiched in the middle. I'll be less reluctant to work out the first day of the week if I know it's just walking.

I was on pinterest browsing through all the cute clothes and I found motivation to keep going. I'm gonna look so cute in those clothes when I get down to a size 10!

Inspiration: A second on the lips, an eternity on the hips. Are you really gonna let FOOD stop you from fitting into those cute jeans? Overcome the first 3 weeks and the rest of it will just be habit!

Hitting A Wall

I'm getting to the point where I'm so sick of this food that I'd rather not eat than eat healthy -_-

I did exercise lightly today though! I popped in a dance aerobics DVD and did it for about 20ish minutes. I kinda felt like it was a cheating exercise because I wasn't running and I wasn't exhausted after but it's a start. I would like to start rollerblading again.

Today I had a banana, a pear, 2 egg sandwiches on whole grain, some raw cashews, and a salad with onions, tomatoes, avocado, and ranch dressing.

Probably shouldn't have had the bread but I was so hungry.

So I definitely need some more recipes. Because I am getting tired of this food. I wonder when in going roster shedding these pounds??

What are some exercises that you guys have been doing?